Sorry messages

Sorry messages for your wife

Long marriages develop arguments with a script, and once the script starts nobody is listening. A card interrupts it, because it arrives when neither of you is mid-sentence.

Write the apology

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Six messages you could actually send

Continue writing opens that message in the card with the words already in it, so all that is left is to change a word and send it. The last message is the longest of the six, and it is the only one you have to copy across yourself.

  1. I'm sorry. You've been carrying more than your share for weeks and I made it heavier instead of lighter. That's the part I can't get past. You deserve better from me than that, and I'll be better, starting with actually listening. ❤️

    Continue writing with message 1
  2. I was wrong, and I've been wrong about this for a good deal longer than just yesterday. I'm sorry. I'm not going to explain it away or make it about how I meant it. Tell me when you want to talk and I'll listen without defending myself.

    Continue writing with message 2
  3. I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you. There's no version of it I can defend and I've stopped trying to. My temper isn't yours to manage and I made it yours. You matter far too much to me to let this sit. Let me make it right.

    Continue writing with message 3
  4. You asked me for something simple, more than once, and I still didn't do it. I'm sorry. It wasn't that I didn't care, it's that I didn't pay attention, and from where you're standing those two look identical. I'd rather fix it than defend it.

    Continue writing with message 4
  5. I've been standing in the kitchen rehearsing this for an hour and none of it sounded right, so I'm writing it instead. I was wrong. I'm sorry. Not the quick kind, the kind I've actually thought about. Let me make it up to you.

    Continue writing with message 5
  6. I've had this apology in my head for two days, waiting for a better moment to say it, and there isn't one. I was wrong. I know I hurt you, and I know I made a week that was already heavy on you heavier. You deserve better from me than my temper and my silence. I'm sorry, and I'd like to start making it right today.

Writing your own

Apologise for the pattern, not only the incident. In a marriage the flashpoint is rarely the real complaint — the late night is the fourth late night, the remark is the same remark. Acknowledging the run of it is the difference between an apology she has heard before and one she believes.

Leave the fixing out of the card and put it in the next fortnight. A card that promises change invites her to wait and check. A card that simply owns the wrong, followed by two weeks of the thing actually being different, is the version that ends the argument for good.

Say it once, in writing, where the script cannot start.

Write the apology

It arrives as a sealed envelope they open on their phone.

All 62 message guides